Friday SLA Results From Alton, IL

-Ring announcer:  "High Voltage" Kat Carter.  Referees:  Dallas Edwards & ?.
-Ashton Reacher won a six-way match with "The Guatemalan Dragon" Carlos Oliva, "More Than A Conquerer" Alvin Falcone, Ethan Everheart, "The Midwest Succubus" Gwen Neodonna, and "Godspeed" Noah Clover when he pinned Noah after a Superman Punch (5:37).
-Rizzky Bizzness("The Rizz God" Calvin Kelly & Cash Kennedy) d. The Gateway Underground("The Anomaly" I.P. Mason & "Rock Star Made" Cordell Cain); Kelly pinned Mason after he and Kennedy hit a released German suplex/running boot combo (6:30).
-Greg Jovi attempted to address the fans before Mad Dog Connelly's match, but "The Main Girl" Nixi X.S. hit the ring and chased him off.
-Austin "Mad Dog" Connelly d. "Death Wish" Anakin Murphy via pinfall after swinging him around in the hangman neckbreaker submission and dropping him to the mat (7:45).  "The Monarch" Jeremy Wyatt saved Anakin from more damage after the match.
-"The Whole Thang" Rahim De La Suede d. "Second To None" Kenny Alfonso with the Paydirt (7:24).
-The New Guys(Jake Bosche & Scott Stanley) & "HeartbreakCORE" Shazza McKenzie d. "Rough" Adrian Surge, "The Power Rough Girl" Ashlyn Alexander, & "Cutthroat" Kenny Kalix(substituting for Tommy Davis).  The referee was knocked down and Santa Claus made his entrance to take over the match, though his impartiality came into question when he flipped off Surge rather than count his pinfall attempt.  This led to Shazza rolling up Surge for the pinfall (10:18).
-"The Luminary" Jaques Kennedy d. "The Worst Person You Know" Chase Holliday via blind cross-bodyblock off the second rope (8:30).  Holliday beat down The Luminary afterwards.
-Victor Analog(w/ "Cutthroat" Kenny Kalix) d. "The Monarch" Jeremy Wyatt when Wyatt attempted to suplex Analog into the ring, only for Kalix to trip Wyatt and hold his foot as Analog fell on top for the surprise win (11:23).  Wyatt got a hold of Kalix after the match and nearly gave him the Coronation(piledriver), only for Anakin Murphy to stop him.  The two exchanged words as Anakin tried to explain that Kalix was being forced to do what he did.
-Grown Man Business(Mike Outlaw & "The Grand Regent" Camaro Jackson) d. K.C. Karrington & Luke Langley(w/ Greg Jovi); this one got crazy right away with plenty of chairs and tables brought into play.  Jovi seemed to talk Karrington down from using his potato peeler in the match, but Karrington turned around into Camaro's lariat for the finish (12:02).  Jovi turned his rage toward Camaro, saying he had gotten through to his unstable friend and Camaro had ruined it.
-"The Wild Unicorn" Laynie Luck d. Trik Davis with the STF (9:13).
-"The Baddest Man Alive" Aaron Williams d. "The Limbripper" Tommy Davis(substituting for the injured Derek Neal) via buzzsaw kick to retain the Destination Title (8:43).
-"Tombstone" Thomas Shire d. "Boy No More" Nick King to retain the Gateway Heritage Title.  Adrian Surge ran in to drop King with the swinging fisherman buster while Ashlyn Alexander distracted the referee; Shire didn't see the interference but went for the cover only for King to kick out.  King continued to fight, but Shire was too much for him and put him away with a double-underhook powerbomb (8:27).
-"The Stiff Robo Ginger" Gary Jay won a three-way dance with "Warhorse" Jake Parnell and "The Guard Dog" Mat Fitchett to win the Tammy Jovi Memorial Cup (scheduled to be a four-way dance with "Spitfire" Davey Vega, who was unable to compete due to personal reasons).  Fitchett attempted to take Warhorse down in a triangle hold, only for Gary to crucifix Fitchett on the mat for the three-count to eliminate him (9:44).  That left Gary and Warhorse to renew their long-standing rivalry, but new factors came into play as Mad Dog Connelly & Victor Analog attacked Gary in the no-disqualification environment.  Fortunately for Gary, Anakin Murphy and Jeremy Wyatt cleared out the interfering parties to even the numbers...Wyatt fastballed a chair into Warhorse's face on the way out, giving Gary the opening to finish off Warhorse with the rolling elbow (17:04).