Outlaw Special Comment

Now, as promised, a special comment about the Outlaw Wrestling show on Friday, June 29th at the School Of Smothers in Lincoln, Illinois.

DISCLAIMER:  I'm biased.  Deal with it.

Going to this show was a snap decision and I had almost forgotten about it until a few days beforehand.  It meant that I had to drive straight from work to the venue, which was about a two-hour trip...and I arrived slightly before bell time.  It was a relatively small turnout but it was a smaller venue anyway...the building is the training center for Tracey Smothers and his proteges and has hosted events for Midwest Impact Pro.  I believe Joey Grunge is the main promoter.

I didn't know the ring announcer's name; one of the referees was Max Recon and the other was a younger African-American woman who I'm guessing is a Smothers trainee (I think someone called her "Callie").

"The Big Mustache On Campus" Mikey McFinnegan vs. Satu Jinn:  I had previously seen Jinn as Shad Satu and his attire now has a genie motif.  McFinnegan threatened to motorboat his heavy-set opponent...despite Jinn's protests, this eventually came to pass.  (No word on if charges were filed for this unwanted advance.)  This opener had a lot of comedy spots, but McFinnegan was fighting an uphill battle against the larger and stronger opponent.  The truly unique finish saw Jinn lift Mikey on his shoulders for a possible electric chair, but Mikey reached up and hung onto the ceiling beams to escape...Jinn dropped backwards to the mat without him.  From his perch, Mikey swung back and forth until finally launching a splash from that position, scoring the pinfall in 11:19!

Joey Grunge vs. "The Obsession" Zac Booth(w/ All Eyes On Us(Micah Pope & Nelson Sixx)):  I hadn't seen Grunge in a while; he had worked Wrestling Invades America a few years back.  Grunge entered to "Hear Comes The Hotstepper", a la his namesake Johnny Grunge of Public Enemy.  It was my first time seeing Booth, but I'd seen A.E.O.U. a handful of times.  Since Outlaw Wrestling is essentially no-countout-no-DQ across the board, Pope and Sixx interfered quite a bit on Booth's behalf.  It wasn't quite enough to overcome the sheer size difference and Grunge won with a fireman's-carry Michinoku Driver in 6:58.

Dalton Diamond vs. Cash Borden(w/ Marli Knox), Drunk Thumbtack Match:  Here were the rules as best as I could tell:  The participants had to chug a beer every two minutes, or just whenever the ring announcer felt like calling for them to do so (even Marli got into the beer-chugging action at least once).  At those time intervals, the referee would use a spiked stick to break one of the balloons suspended above the ring...those balloons were filled with not just air, but thumbtacks.  Remember all that, there WILL be a quiz later.  Diamond did his chugging near me and I almost got splashed with beer a few times.  Marli repeatedly got involved only to get knocked into the tacks a couple of times...ouch.  (I resisted the urge to personally inspect the damage BECAUSE I'M A GENTLEMAN.)  Blood was spilled, as you would expect in this style of match...a tack-laden Nerf bat came into play(well, the tacks would hurt enough without it being a real bat) and Borden got the tapout win in 8:15 by using the bat to add extra pain to a Crippler Crossface.

Intermission~!  Official Ben Simon Concession Count(tm):  One root beer.  I should have spent more time noting the unfamiliar names at the merchandise tables, seeing as how I'd be scrambling for names later in the show...

"The Wildman From The Ozarks" Alex Herzog vs. "The Mercenary" Graham Bell for the Gunslinger Title:  We nearly got a chainsaw vs. bazooka showdown to start things off...once it was established that neither man wanted to actually die thanks to the weapons, things settled down a bit.  It turned into a pretty good match as Bell tried to ground the bigger man by attacking his leg.  Herzog powered his way back into the match, finally retaining his title with the chokelift Flatliner(Choke-Liner?) in 9:00.

Battle Royal:  The winner would receive a twenty-pack of beer.  I quickly realized that I didn't know most of the participants in the match...even with Sadie Blaze's help, I don't think I got them all as I could have sworn I counted twenty entrants.  At any rate, the fifteen participants I identified(with or without help) were Rob Cabella, Krispy 2 Pop, Robby McCann, Gavin Alexander, Kyle Hammer, All Eyes On Us(Micah Pope & Nelson Sixx), "The Spanish Red Devil" Ricky Rodriguez, Zander Allen, Maniac Scott Matthews, Strangler James Pinkerton, Jimmy Love, Sensei Bock, Khalil Akbar, and Shawn Shields.  It was tough to keep track of the action in the crowded ring...I'm thankful I've rarely had to do commentary for battle royals.  The final four were Maniac, Hammer, Rodriguez, and Alexander...Hammer quickly elected to target Rodriguez while the two super heavyweights battled.  Once Maniac eliminated Alexander, Ricky and Kyle quickly pounced on Maniac, working together to get him over the top rope to the floor.  After several very close calls, Hammer finally knocked Rodriguez to the floor in 8:15 for the win.

The Hooligans(Devin & Mason Cutter) & Neil Diamond Cutter vs. The Carnies("The Ringmaster" Nick Iggy, "The Dogfaced Gargoyle" Kerry Awful, & "The Imaginary Friend" Tripp Cassidy):  I had initially identified this as a straight tag match, not realizing that it would be a six-man tag with all three members of each collective.  I hadn't seen Neil Diamond Cutter in several years; he had previously competed in the St. Louis area as Shamus O'Flannery and Sly The Redneck Extremist before becoming the proverbial Spike Dudley of the Cutter brothers.  I had read about Cassidy joining forces with Iggy & Awful but this was my first time seeing the Carnies in full force.  This bout was as chaotic a brawl as one might expect...The Carnies isolated Neil for a while, but the bigger brothers finally got into the action and things broke down.  Once the chairs came into play, we saw the Hooligans' traditional "bar fight" where the competitors trade punches while seated in the chairs...The Carnies are tough, but it's tough to match the Hooligans at their own game.  In the end, the Cutters used the chairs for their usual wrestling-related purpose and beat down the trio of Carnies, leading to triple stereo pins(I THINK Devin and Tripp were legal, not that it really mattered) in 18:50.

"The Warhorse" Jake Parnell vs. "Big Beef" Jake Garvin for the Zero-1 USA Jr. Heavyweight Title and the vacant Outlaw Wrestling Heavyweight Title:  Parnell was defending his Zero-1 USA belt, though he questioned whether Garvin met the weight limit for the junior heavyweight division...since previous titleholder Frank Wyatt was missing in action, his belt was put on the line in this main-event bout as well.  (I think Wyatt had been scheduled to defend against Grunge.)  The battle of the Jakes was a classic David vs. Goliath story in terms of the contrast between the two.  Garvin's highlight move was a high-impact Doctor Bomb that nearly scored him the double gold.  Garvin followed up with a swinging full nelson into a slam, but he wasted a bit of time going for the pin...the experience edge made the difference as Parnell pulled him down into a modified sunset flip for the pin in 14:19!  That's double gold for The Warhorse!

It was pretty cool to see some new faces...I don't know if the longer car trips will be a regular thing, but it's nice to see a product that's fresh to me.  I've seen several promotions for the first time in the past few years and I hope to see even more down the line.  I hope to get to SHIMMER at some point.  I would like to see a show in the Kansas City area if possible...that might depend on whether Metro Pro runs another show.  3XW in Iowa is another group that I've thought about checking out.  Right now, all of this is just throwing ideas out there...we'll see if they ever come to fruition.

The rest of July looks like this:
-Saturday 7/21:  World Wrestling Entertainment in St. Louis, MO(Chaifetz Arena); Southern Illinois Championship Wrestling in East Carondelet, IL
-Sunday 7/22:  Glory Pro Wrestling in Collinsville, IL
-Saturday 7/28:  Dynamo Pro Wrestling in St. Louis, MO(Concordia Turners Gym)

That's my special comment for this, the thirty-eighth wrestling show I've attended in the year 2018.  Good night, good luck, and #yaywrestling.

-PB, Watching Wrestling Wrong Since 1991

P.S. We are all marks.